By Stephanie White, PsyD, PhD, LCSW, DCSW, BCD
I often find that how we think and feel about ourselves can impact our emotional and physical health, and that impact has lasting effects on our psychological readiness. For example, do you ever notice how when you have thoughts such as, “I am not good enough, ”Nobody cares for me,” or, “I don’t deserve this,” this type of thinking tends to create a level of imbalance from within and only reinforces more negativity?
Research purports that people who engage in a negative internal dialogue where they feel inferior to others and struggle with vast inadequacies also have greater problems with self-confidence, self-efficacy, mood regulation, and extending themselves self-love. What does this mean? If you are one of those people who continue to think you are not good enough, or feel less than, then how could you possibly get ahead and achieve any success when your subconscious is malnourished with panic, and when you are led to believe by your daily programming that you are driven to fail?
While I recognize this can be very difficult and delicate to discuss, feelings are our emotional maps to our psyche and are a matter of extreme sensitivity and importance in clinical practice. How we think, feel, behave, and perceive the world around us sets in place affirmations that anchor our reality in the universe as a specific energy or footprint. That means what you put out will come back to you.
The universe will support your belief patterns, whether you see yourself as a powerful resonator of strength or a helpless victim. If you don’t love yourself, you will attract people that will treat you as you feel you deserve to be treated. Hence, you will attract negative people if you are a negative person. If you have the mentality that “Life stinks,” or that you are a helpless victim, then your life and experiences will reflect your internal dialogue.
Do you suppose it could be different for those who choose to think, “Life is beautiful and provides me a wonderful place to learn and love”? Yes, because the mental narrative and pattern of reinforcers are attracting positivity, and they are taking accountability and ownership for what they choose to do and what they bring into their reality.
It works the same way for people who also think, feel, and believe that they will attract those that love and treat them with respect. If they love themselves and feel they are worthy of love and respect, then they will surround themselves with only those people that will treat them that way. They choose to be around those they feel will be positive and healthy because of their thinking, and so they resonate what attracts positive people into their lives.
It is important to understand that, as humans, we have the power to change our thinking, feelings, and how we perceive events around us that we feel powerless to control. I also hear many times, “I can’t change my thinking because it is impossible to do,” or “Do you actually believe that?” This kind of internal dialogue can be very damaging, and can create cognitive dissonance and more anxiety. It is a setup for failure and does not achieve the end goal. So, why even bother nourishing your brain and body with such negativity?
When we are sad and feel resentment, and also have chronic pain, is it possible that the chronic pain is a result of having buried guilt? Fear and constant self-criticism may lead to body aches, pains, low self-esteem, and indecision. Have you ever asked yourself what it is you are actually feeling? Is it guilt, fear, doom, resentment, anger? Are you taking full responsibility for your feelings by accepting that these are your feelings? If you accept ownership for your actions by holding yourself accountable for your decisions, then you can begin to modify your internal dialogue and reflect on how you can change treating yourself and others, and even change how you want to be treated.
In my many years of clinical practice, I’ve found that people have been imprisoned by their own guilt and fears because of the inability to love themselves. These emotions have led to a very long sentence that created a world of misery and self-hate. However, you can choose to allow your punishment and sentence to end. You can allow yourself to be released from the anger, guilt, and fear that imprisoned you by choosing to release yourself.
All you have to do is love yourself. Yes, can you extend yourself the self-love, care, and respect that you are worthy of today? Can you choose to release the hurt, the pain, and let go? The emotions from the past are no longer helping you anymore. You can choose to get your life back. You can choose to be happy. You can accept yourself and love yourself as you are now and today. What does storing resentment, panic, blame, and anger actually accomplish?
You are in control now and of your future, not the past. You cannot change the past, but you can change your attitude and feelings about past events. You do not have to let past events have power over you any longer. You do not have to give power to words or people. Only you have the power to control you. Nobody controls you unless you surrender that power to them. You can take it back.
Release the negative concepts and beliefs that do not support your goal of self-love and acceptance. It can happen, and you can do this; the choice is up to you!
Dr. Stephanie White, LLC Teletherapy Counseling Services
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